Race DOES matter

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Dear Readers of Goldensunrays and Supporters of BW/AM relationships.

I’ve been thinking and struggling with this for a while now but I am ready to talk. Yes, I like Asian men. A lot. And I will always be a supporter of the BW/AM community so as a woman who interracially dates I share my inner most, deepest and honest experiences, beliefs and thoughts. I strive to produce an interracial blog of substance. But substance to me is more than pictures of good looking Asian men or what happened on my date. Substance is truth. It is dealing with the realities as well as the joys of interracial dating. And the truth is, one can NOT have an interracial  blog and NOT talk about race. I can’t avoid and ignore the issues that has happened, and continues to happen. I can’t pick and choose only the good, I have to talk about it all. NOT just black women and Asian men even though that is  the major focus here but I have to examine how I feel as a black woman, how I feel about other races and how they feel about me.

One of the biggest questions I get a lot when people find out I like Asian men is, “Why not white men?”  I have no interest in white men  but that sets off a round of new race questions doesn’t it? It also is being saved for another blog post later though 🙂

I have to consider if what other races go through or experience in their relationships has an effect on mines as well. I have to own up to what I was taught and do or don’t believe about race and racism. I have to decide how open I am to change my views because they do affect how I interact with others, good and bad. I can not speak for others but if I want to make a change and an impact on interracial dating I have to be open. I have to be honest. I am going to have to say some things that most try to avoid. I have to get over the fear of offending people and over the comments that I’m sure people will make. There is absolutely no way to talk about interracial dating, friendships and marriage without race or racism and without making people feel uncomfortable, angry or even a bit frightened –  me included. So it is in this discomfort, fear and honesty that I hope to get people thinking, reshaping their minds about and engaging in the beauty of interracial love.

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My intentions are sincere and passionate. My goals are to encourage, support and provoke (positive) change  and it took stepping back and taking several seats. I didn’t go to meetups and events for a while, I withdrew from a few groups and kept quiet in a few others to see this. In all of my most recent 7interracial relationships (sexual, dating and friendships) I  let my first mind speak and every time I did that I ended up being grateful because it not only forced me to see how people truly feel and think but it forced them to as well.  So  the good, the bad, the crazy, the silly, the unbelievable, the what the fuck moments, all of those I will share with you so you can know and understand. I won’t paint a pretty picture all the time because it isn’t one and I won’t play victim either because (in my Britney Spears voice) I’m not that innocent but I’m for damn sure not going to say race doesn’t matter. Race DOES matter. The world taught me that lesson. It is not fair and it is not right but to negatively accept it, overlook or turn away from that truth isn’t either.  So I hope and pray that you do find a genuine love if you strongly believe interracial dating is for you but if the person you are seeking refuses to talk about race or hesitant about having you meet the parents or even avoids the topics of marriage and children please be careful. They are proving my point that race DOES matter because love won’t avoid, hesitate or refuse the truth.

Much Love. Golden

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6 comments

  1. I see what you mean. Race does matter in this sense but maybe doesn’t need to be the focal point in any situation? What really matters is the love between two people. The problem with the world is that there is too much focus on race, especially with white people being deemed as the “go to race” when dating outside of another persons race. If anything why cant the question in society be “why white guys? Why not asian guys or arab guys?” Etc etc i think a major movement in changing our thoughts from auto switch to “White race” being the standard option needs to be reset, but it can only happen if there is enough like minded people and support from each other.

    • Hey Thakns for reading. While race shouldn’t be the only focus it defintely should not be avoided in interracial relationships either. Maybe you should write a response piece or ask that question on your blog. Let me read it, I’ll respond and maybe that way we can get a discussion going on a global level ( seeing as how you’re in London) hopefully enough likeminded people will support.Things might be diferent there but here in the U.S race “baiting” is supreme and is the first wall we must confront and tear down then love. Thanks, looking forward to connecting with you more

      • Will definitly put that on my list of things to do! My first time blogging, so will defo do a response piece once i sort myself out and tag you in it (if that is possible on here).

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