Thank You to blackwomanasianmen.tumblr.com and Jacqueline and her bf for this epic hotness!
*My strength and weakness is my extreme love for honest & raw emotions and feelings. Whether they seem crazy, scary, too sexual, too over the top, whatever! If I feel it, then they are real and deserve to be expressed. For every 1 person that reads and thinks I’m too open, free, wild or ill – there’s 5 more that is reading and saying Thank You, I understand and/or I felt (feel) the same way. Real. Honest. Raw. Yet, written a while ago and I want to get rid of the paper it’s written on,this particular post is no different.
I have so many unanswered questions. So many things I want to say. I feel so many different emotions; some bad, some good, all real. I’m going to try to get the more pressing ideas out first because everything else is just verbal/written evidence and reasoning.
I know that I said I didn’t feel this way and at first I didn’t but now I feel so abandoned by you. Not sexually. Okay… well maybe a little sexual but more so emotionally and physically. I feel like you’re ashamed of me, of us as if you didn’t want anyone to know I exist(ed) in your life. The way you left made me feel like we were less than friends. Like I was the dirty secret that I never wanted to be. And even though we’ve had thiese conversations many times before I feel like I was INDEED your experiment and I hate that feeling. I hate this feeling.
No calls, half a text, no fb message you wont even Skype me. Why? How am I suppose to feel? What am I suppose to do when you say one thing I so desperately want to believe but what I see and feel is the complete opposite? There is no such thing as too busy. It only takes a minute to say “Hey!” or “I miss you.” or something. You said nothing. Nothing at all and it its sinking in and it is starting to hurt.
Yet I feel you coursing through my veins like fire and ice. My body needs you. I want you. I want you to want me, want me just as I want you. I want you to let me love you. I love you, I said it and I meant it. You have no idea what I am willing to do to be with you and to be yours. All I dream about is serving you and your family. I want to please you in everyway and make you happy.
BUTTTT I want you.
I NEED you to know MY worth. That I am prize to be had and that I choose you. I don’t want to give myself up completely to anyone but you. I don’t want to serve anyone but you. I don’t want any man to touch or undress me. I want to make love to you. Passionate. Endearing + Sweet. I don’t want any other man inside of me but you. I don’t want to learn from anyone but from you. I feel that you no longer feel the same way about me that I feel for you. Shit, I don’t know how you feel about me at all anymore babe.
How do you feel about me? Could I ever be yours? Again? Ever?
If not, it’ll be nice to know that, so I can move on and stop believing that I have someone worth fighting for. but if so, like Aaliyah sings, just let me know
Wo Ai Ni