My Colored Heart

“Give me something to believe in because I don’t believe in you (bwam) anymore” – Maroon 5 Makes me wonder

If you had been following my escapades then you know it’s been pretty non-existent lol. I haven’t blogged in a while. I took a huge L my birthday weekend in San Jose back in August and been taking little L’s in the dating department since then. I’ve even fucked up and contacted HIM (Chenxiao) twice. Nothing scandalous. Just a, “hey-how-are-things?” kinda text, only to realize we still think about each other. ALOT . But I need NOT to. I needed something to keep my heart from feeling red (angry), blue (sad) and black (apathy/heartless) because lately I’ve been fed up with Asian men.

A little louder, “Give me something to believe in because I don’t believe in you (bwam) anymore”

I had just about given up; on Asian men, the BW/AM community and blogging for the “Honey Love” until two months ago when I happened to be instragramming and found this.


Colored Hearts is a romantic drama about a young interracial couple’s struggle to stay together while facing the challenges of stereotypes and opposition from family and friends.  Written and directed by Robin Johnson (co-director; Somlit Inthalangsy) , who also stars as the leading lady with co-star Kane Lieu as the leading male, Colored Hearts premiered at the Los Angeles Asian Pacific Film Festival this past weekend.

Check out the trailer

Had I found out about this sooner I definitely would’ve tried to make my way on set even if I had to stand outside and give massages to cast and crew just to show my appreciation. But I didn’t,  so I missed production, post production and even the premiere but I did NOT miss the screening Monday so before I get into that, can we talk about the dopeness of all of this right now?

Yes, yes ya’ll this is A Black woman and Asian male as the the main characters film; Not friends of the main characters, not extras, not crime fighting sidekicks but the main characters AND as love interests. Written by a black woman with a personal experience that I could definitely relate to from the past 3-4 years of my life #nextblogpost  #sneakpeak)  ⇓    ⇓    ⇓    ⇓    ⇓    ⇓    ⇓    ⇓


lol Let’s continue. The fact it premiered at an Asian Film Festival, says alot. Bringing awareness and opening conversations about black women and interracial dating not just within the black community (which is another dissertation in itself) but to bring that conversation and how it is dealt with and viewed in other communities as well?! Yes! Can you hear the tears welling up in my eyes?


This is what I needed to see.  So here I am Monday evening:

In the back of my Uber Roberto fucking up and got on the wrong freeway smh but I wont let it fuck up my night. There is someplace I need to be tonight. There is something I have to see so Im going. Im scared but Im going. Im nervous but Im going. Im solo but Im going. #ambw #thegreatcompany #coloredhearts blogging will commence soon

At the ‘We Own the 8th’s’ screening  I sat in the back because I know me, I’m emo with a smart ass mouth. I will cry and get mad at the truth at the same time. I was here to erase the hate forming in my heart, to replace it with only one color, Gold. And in less than 10 minutes of viewing Colored Hearts my heart wounds were opening up again yet rejoicing. How great it felt to see my story (or one like it rather) on a screen bigger than my blog. It was more than just  me with my homegirls sharing our experiences over KBBQ. It became more than just a BW/AM thing. It was the years of pain, stereotypes, rejections, mental anguish, comments and judgements from Asian parents, from black men and women, friends, families and strangers being exposed and expressed without me having to say a damn word. The accuracy was on point for real, like emphasis being put on the word “black” before every mention of my being. Things I’m sure most women in the AMBW groups wanted to say but were too afraid to say outside of their clique. I needed this film for my reality sake, except for me, my guy wasn’t engaged, he was married and not even a month after my ultimatum, and it was me on the other side of the door showing up to declare my love. It didn’t open to welcome my love either. Instead I was given the weakest comfort ever via text,capture_2016-08-18-09-07-53.png.pngMy intention was to watch the film and then head home but I stayed and glad that I did. I stayed to the very end and in the end, I was refreshed, inspired and ready to roll up my sleeves and give BW/AM another chance. People trust me when I say,  Colored Hearts is for you.


This is for you.

Because Brandy’s Cinderella wasn’t enough.







For those Romeo Must Die, Jet Li and Aaliyah  fans that wanted more than that weak ass hug at the end.

This is for you.





For those Ninja Assassin lovers like myself (it’s my absolute favorite movie) that get a lil heated when Raizo teases,

“Oh Mika, Mika” and needed them to fall in love. 

This is for you.

For those “Rocketeers ” (that’s what I call myself lol)  that shed a tear every time you hear FarEastMovement’s Rockeeter  and plays the video in your head.

This is for you.

This is for you.

This is the alternative ending you wanted. The one you’ve been asking for

Like, Share and support Colored Hearts.

*And I sincerely pray to all the Chenxiao’s of the world that when you watch this film you’ll feel empowered, fearless and inspired. I hope that you see that you are not alone. I wish that you will become courageous enough to endure for your love and try to understand how the woman feels as well. Trust me, if you are genuine and sincere and willing to fight for her, she will move mountains, wrestle lions and jump out of planes for you. Well atleast I would. I damn near did it for 3 years. Fight. Please. Fight for all the colors of your heart.

With my deepest appreciation and sunrays, 


*Thank you Robin and everyone that had even a pinky finger in bringing this vision to life.