It isnt fair

No. It isn’t fair.

I shouldn’t have to be the first responder to your thoughts of suicide. It isn’t fair to place that kind of heavy on me. Where is Jessica, Ashley and Megumi and the rest of those you’ve placed before me?

All because your mother said my skin is too dark and my hair is too short and curly. Because I am to older than you and in her eyes to old to reproduce a grandson worthy of her love and yet you always want me to produce empathy, love, salvation out of convenience for you.

It isn’t fair when I couldn’t hold on to you when I needed you and can’t hold on to you now that I need you yet grab hold on to me.

Let me go. Your impoverished love doesn’t suit me.

It isn’t fair.

Why must I answer your call and cries for help? Why do you expect me to talk you off the ledge, while you push me off of it.

It isn’t fair.

I am not your crutch. I shouldnt have to give you me on demand when you won’t even text me back. Too scared your parents will see my number in your recent history. I am not a secret. 

And it isnt fair.

You show off, polish and pretend Asia has always been there but retreat back to Mother Africa when you need healing. I am not your healer. Your words stay warm only for so long but you beg me to stay hot for you. 

It isn’t fair.

It isn’t far.

It is NOT fair.

You say you love my warmth, my passion, my desire but you drained me. You’ve taken them hostage and I’d like to have them back. It isn’t fair. My warmth has gone cold and I have you to thank for that. So go ahead. Jump to your death. It will still be better than being used as a placeholder. I will no longer be your placeholder. So go ahead, jump. Set us both free.

Its only fair.



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